He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
