Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
