There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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