A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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