Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
