Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
