i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
