My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
