also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
