Are we in a gay sports bar?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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