Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
