Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm at about main and main street
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
