I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
