Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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