btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Oh god it's open bar.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
