Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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