I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
