i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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