We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
