It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
