Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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