I accidentally burped into my bong.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
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