My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
