I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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