I'm going to jail i love you
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
