Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
