So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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