Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just googled if crying burns calories
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
