I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize