i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
