Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He has the fingertips of a God
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