Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
