just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
