When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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