I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
