He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
