just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
