I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
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Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
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When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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