Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
