I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
