Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
