my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
