Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
