Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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