just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
