thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
