Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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