he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
