I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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