i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
