my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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