kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
