Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
