Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
