i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Semen is not good for contacts.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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