A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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