im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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