Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
