dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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