I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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