I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
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