the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
