Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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