his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
