OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
