what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
