i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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