there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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