I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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