dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
