Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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