fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
