dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
