I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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