tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
