I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
