he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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